Grace Notes

Posted on 02. Jan, 2010 by karentrue in health

When we learned that I might have ovarian cancer several weeks ago, the universal recommendation was that we try to go to MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. I called to make an appointment. No go. Six week wait.

A couple of friends had contacts there and began sending emails and making phone calls. We waited and prayed through a long weekend, and by Monday morning,  the six week wait was reduced to a handful of days. I would see a doctor in the department of gynecologic oncology later that very week.  We were elated and felt blessed, thankful and hopeful. Relief, even joy, followed. The promise of answers lifted our load for the next several days.

Until we arrived at MD Anderson on Thursday morning.

The massive buildings cast long shadows and were linked together by the common thread of cancer.  Such an awareness wasted no time in dimming my hopes. When I took a seat in the waiting room alongside women with wigs, hats and bare heads, I could not make my mind accept that we might share such a sisterhood.

The stack of paperwork that awaited my attention was a welcome diversion. The final page contained lines on which I was to provide a full listing of my family’s cancer history. My Mom. Me. Two aunts. Three uncles. Paternal grandmother. Maternal grandfather. Another aunt. You get the idea. I ran out lines before I ran out of family members.

Being at MD Anderson no longer felt hopeful. The realities of cancer were too heavy, too close for comfort.

I was ushered to an exam room, given a hospital gown and left alone. For a long time. Too long. Long enough to let my thoughts wander.  Long enough to be afraid. Long enough to feel more alone than I’d ever felt in my life. When I realized that my thoughts and I were no longer suitable companions, I decided to re-focus.

I grabbed my phone and discovered texts, facebook messages, emails and voicemails from friends and family who were praying for me. Some sent encouraging words. Others sent Scriptures. I reviewed and responded to each one and then began reading the Bible via a handy app.

I realized that I was not alone. I also recognized that the spot in which I sat was not one to be dreaded or feared. I remembered that earlier in the week I had viewed my appointment at MD Anderson as God’s provision. It still was. The wait lingered, and the scenery grew stale, but my thoughts had been dramatically transformed.

By day’s end I was tired and ready to leave but no longer afraid. No longer lonely. I felt as though I lived a psalm that day. You know the kind that starts off dark and despairing and ends with joy and gratitude. Even though my first day at MD Anderson was played out primarily in a minor key, I hear the flourish of grace notes of the Divine Composer who is still singing my song.

The LORD your God is with you,  he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. (Zep. 3:17)

14 Responses to “Grace Notes”

  1. Shelly

    02. Jan, 2010

    I love your post. MD Anderson is an incredible place…full of hope and healing, yet also surrounded by disease and death. I remember my trips there and I recognized the waiting room chairs you were in…

    I am so glad for your good news, God’s provision, His mercy, and His love. May you be blessed this new year!!!

    Love, shelly

  2. Kathy Schettler

    02. Jan, 2010

    Thinking of you all alone in that room makes my heart hurt & brings tears to my eyes. I love you dear sister ~ I am so thankful to know you were really not alone ~ You did live a Psalm that day & God knew we would all benefit from watching you trust ~ Thank you for being willing!!!

  3. Renee Swope

    02. Jan, 2010

    Karen, I feel like I was right there with you as I read this. You are such a gifted writer my friend. Thank you for taking notes with your heart and sharing them with us. I had no idea you had such a long line of cancer history in your family. Me too. I had to trust that my history, although very important, doesn’t determine my destiny. Jesus does. He knows the plans He has for us and they are to give us hope and a future. I am so thankful He brought hope to your heart even in the valley of the unknown.

    Can’t wait to read more of your “grace notes” – Love, Renee

  4. Pat

    03. Jan, 2010

    I held my breath and prayed for you as I sat down to catch up on your blog. I had read the post about your planned trip to M.D. Anderson but the visits to check on Bo’s dad have kept me away from the computer. I had to start at “the back of the book” and keep reading back to find the good news of the “no cancer” report. Karen, I love it that we can all party like the shepherds over this good news! You bring back all the celebration of the Psalms of Ascent with your praise. One thing coming out of all this to be glad for is your writing more entries in your blog! Keep it up, please. I love the way your friend put it who said she was glad you were “taking notes with your heart.”

    You said in yesterday’s entry that “resting this much is hard work” but please continue to work hard in that area. I’ll be thinking of you, praying for you, and looking forward to reading more of your thoughts.

  5. Ellen Magers

    03. Jan, 2010

    Thanks for sharing your real thoughts and feelings and the encouragement of living out scripture. Love you dear friend. Praying you continue to recover quickly and completely!

  6. Christine Murray

    04. Jan, 2010

    Thank you for making a blog. You are an excellent writer!

    I’m rejoicing at the way God mercifully answered our prayers for you. Any encouraging words you received were for you, yet you are now encouraging us!

    I’m praying for your quick recovery. Rest well! -lots of time for you to “be still and know…” :)

  7. Valerie Taylor

    07. Jan, 2010

    How beautifully you painted a picture of our Fathers unending love and care for his precious child, you. thank you for sharing how our “Daddy God” is real. I have prayed daily for you and am thanking God for his soverign grace and healing power in your life. How beautiful! Your testimony shines brightly.

  8. Angie Wilson

    07. Jan, 2010

    Thank you for spreading His hope to encourage all of us. You are a very talented writer who uses their talents to edify the body of Christ. We are so thankful for you and your family and that He ordained or paths to cross. We are praying for a continual complete recovery. We love you!

  9. karentrue

    07. Jan, 2010

    The writing is my pleasure. I hope the reading is yours! I smile every time I see your name show up here and cannot say enough thanks for your sweet encouragement and prayers.

  10. karentrue

    07. Jan, 2010

    It’s so great to hear from you from across town, my friend. I really feel as though God has engraved His notes on my heart, and I’m more than happy to put them into writing here. It’s wonderful to have you reading along.

  11. karentrue

    07. Jan, 2010

    Your prayers are a blessing, and I can tell you they work! It’s wonderful to have this place to share and even more wonderful when I get to hear from you!!!

  12. karentrue

    07. Jan, 2010

    I bet you do have many memories of those chairs. It is my pleasure to write about all that God has done and all He is teaching me through this slow journey.

  13. Karla

    10. Jan, 2010

    Karen,
    I am so relieved that God answered all your (and our) prayers above and beyond your greatest desires. I have enjoyed reading your blog (and I went WAY back) and getting to know a little more about you. I am sorry that our paths do not cross more often but I feel touched and blessed just to have read your “love notes”. Thank you for sharing and PRAISE JESUS for your healing!!

  14. karentrue

    11. Jan, 2010

    Karla, it means more than I can say to know that you’ve prayed along with us. It is the most wonderful thing in all the world to see God at work on our behalf. Praise Jesus for sure!!!

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